John Rishton

A few years back I was asked to write a poem about British Airways Finance Director, John Rishton, who was leaving to join a Dutch company called Ahold. I didn’t actually deliver this as it was for a farewell board dinner but it must have gone to well because I had a very nice letter from him. All the information came from BA’s PR department including the fact he was useless at DIY.

'Nouveau Rishton'

There’s a famous seaside place called Blackpool
What’s noted for fresh air and fun
And a couple whose surname was Rishton
Lived there with young Johnny, their son

A bright little lad was young Johnny
A polite and neat little bloke
But every time he played with his Lego
Un-for-tun-ately - it broke

So father said “come away Johnny
Don’t touch that Lego a-gain.
If you’re going to make a good living
We shall have to get you a brain”

So young Johnny looked to the future
And the worry made him feel ill
Until one day, while shopping in Tesco’s,
He found a mistake on the bill

“That’s it” said mother “we’ve cracked it.
From now on you’ll never be poor
You shall study to become an accountant
It’s just a shame that you’ll be such a bore.”

So he studied hard at school and uni
On how to make people more bored
And when he’d come up with a Fellowship
He took it off and joined Ford

He was an auditor at Ford Europe
And Mother said “I’m so proud, son.
For I have heard from your colleagues
You can make an actuary seem fun.”

But then Fords ran out of bad news
He said “it’s time to move away
Where can I find someone else in trouble?
I know. I’ll join BA.”

In his time there, so much went pear-shaped
That, of the company, he became quite fond
For he was able to deliver bad news
To his delight, on both sides of the pond.

Then he went to see the Chairman
And said “In my account not enough cash is nestling,
So I’ve decided to go to Ahold.”
Said the Chairman “have you taken up wrestling?”

He said “I need more money for workmen
For just last week Megan said
“You’ve assembled that IKEA wardrobe.
Now we’ve got a bedroom shed.””

So Nouveau Rishton left to take up an offer
That BA just couldn’t touch.
But he’s invited all ex-colleagues over to dinner
He said “when you come, we’ll all go Dutch.”