Brian and Shula

A few years back I became friendly with Charles Collingwood and subsequently his wife Judy. They both appear in BBC Radio 4’s “The Archers” of which I am a fan. Charles plays Brian Aldridge and Judy plays Shula who is married to someone else. So I didn’t need to be asked twice to appear at their 65th birthday party at Annabels at which I delivered this poem to an audience including many of the cast. If you don’t listen to the programme you might not get some of it.

'Shula & Charles & Judy & Brian'

There’s a fictitious village called Ambridge
You can hear about it on Radio 4
And two characters called Brian and Shula
Who have been around since the war

Shula is almost an angel
Though she once put it around just a bit
But Brian is totally different
The man is an absolute shit

He’s laid everyone in the series
On the green or the old lambing shed
And he’s even at it off the programme
I’m told he’s taken Shula to bed

And as if we don’t hear them enough
For we listeners are not all stupid
When Shula is not being Shula
I’ve spotted her playing a kid

Meanwhile Brian won’t leave it alone
When he’s not rolling around in the hay
I hear he has a one man show
It’s no surprise it’s called “Playing Away”

And he pops up on loads of programmes
Even once on This is Your Life
On which he spent a nervous half hour
To find out who was playing the wife

These two met doing puppet voiceovers
The romance of it could make you wince
For him it was love at first sight
And she’s been pulling his strings ever since

So just think of all they’ve achieved
Neither could be described as a dunce
And Judy doesn’t look 65
As for Charles - he must have done once

So finally one piece of advice
There’s one life rule they should set
Keep away from Pat and Tony’s organic foods
You need all the preservatives you can get