David Blunkett

William Hague asked me if I could do one of my poems for him. At the time David Blunkett was all over the papers about him having an affair with Kimberley Quinn.

On reading through some news material on the web that the timing of this affair coincided with him changing his guide dog.

I’m not sure if I’m the only one who has noticed this but David Blunkett’s troubles seem to have started two years ago, and to have coincided with the fact that, at the same time, he changed his guide dog.

Now there has been another leak. From a source I am unable to reveal I have obtained a copy of a dogmail in which Sadie has communicated with her predecessor, Lucy.

Dogmails, rather like doggerels, are, as you will all be aware, always in verse.

This one is entitled

'I Blame The Dog'

Hi, Lucy, this is Sadie
And I’m writing this to say
Master Blunkett’s fortunes
Seem to worsen by the day

I try to keep him cheerful
Loving licks and waggy tails
But since you left, dear Lucy
He’s gone right off the rails

I wouldn’t be so bothered
If I was allowed to stay
But they shut me in the kitchen
When other bitches come to play

The Daily Mail’s not helpful
But they have their wares to flog
Seems tying up to bedposts
Is not just for his dog
The old boy’s such a puller
He just will not give in
They formed a queue outside the door
To stand in for Mrs Quinn

You’ve got to hand it to him
Twice he’s stayed for far too long
He just kept asking Tony
“What is it I’ve done wrong?”

When he got the sack the first time
I taught him how to beg
But when Prescott said “Kick him out”
I peed right up his leg

He’d fiddled his expenses (allegedly)
Gave out visas without mention
So I almost dropped my Bonio
When Blair gave him Work and Pensions

When he met his friend Siddiqi
That man with DNA
I tried to pull him down the street
But he shouted “Sadie, stay”

His advisors then all told him
“Hey David, this ain’t great”
But he simply kept on going.
He made Mandelson look straight

But they all ganged up against him
They made an ugly crowd
If I could speak I would have told him
DNA stands for “David - it’s Not Allowed!”

Post-script

As he left more sleeze came out
To put future jobs out of his reaches
I hear he’s now piled up more cash
From after-dinner speeches………..No. I don’t think I’ll go any further on that one………………….
Copyright Bob “the Cat” Bevan MBE  2005